Broken….

Finally after many hours of waiting we were allowed to see her. I was terrified of what I might see. This would be the new Sarah. Life still in danger, not out the woods, she could have any combination of permanent injuries. She had surgeries ahead for sure. Still we don’t know how she ended up falling or jumping of a huge, very high bridge.

Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw as I turned the corner. There she was, my beautiful daughter, hooked up to every machine, which was pumping, draining, breathing for her……tubes were inserted everywhere. She was covered by s ‘bear hugger’ a huge blanket that looked a lot like parcel packaging with a heater at one end filling it with warm air. She had a neck brace on and large sticky pads on her cheeks holding the tubes in her mouth which were keeping her alive.

Broken arm. Broken elbow. Broken leg. Broken spine. To unstable for surgery today.

A tiny piece of her right forearm seemed to be tube free, just enough room to place a hand without upsetting any of the tubes. Somehow her beautiful face was injury free. Not even a scratch on it. Briefly I marvelled at this. How did she not look like she had been in a boxing ring?

She was alive. Right now she was alive. Whatever happened from here on in she was alive right now. No longer was I living by the year or month or week, or even hour, right now in this moment she was alive.

Someone was looking out for her, of that much I was certain, and the road to recovery was going to be long.

For my daughters..

As I watch my daughters grow, how I wish time was slow,

Every day she learns more and more, but all too soon she will be 14 not 4.

May her days of mud pies and sandcastles never truly leave,

Of running through sprinklers and catching leaves.

Soon enough comes teenage years,

Filled with brand new hopes and fears.

Gone are the days when we walk and talk,

There is now only instagram, tweet and squawk.

When the walls go up and you find yourself outside,

With a feeling of hurt pride,

A daily prayer escapes your lips..

That today she won’t think you’re a bitch,

Or that today she stays strong,

And still remembers right from wrong,

That she can look peer pressure in the eye,

And that today there is no reason to cry.

That her point will be understood,

And that her heart remains good.

When college time comes and her world becomes larger,

It is no longer my fault when she can’t find her phone charger.

It’s no longer my job to wade through the clothes in her room,

Finding dishes and laundry among the general chaos and gloom.

I am guessing in many more years to come,

She may eventually decide to become a mom.

Then as she paces the floor at 4 in the morning, her inconsolable baby in her arms,

And she sings endless lullabies which sometimes work like a charm.

Then will come her lightbulb moment,

And finally she will see all the components,

Only then she may appreciate,

All the times you stayed up late,

All the times you reserved voicing your fears,

So as not to upset her ears.

All the times you drove her around,

And all the time without a sound.

Deep down you hope is that she knows,

Your love for her only grows.

Even when you become a star,

You will always love her from afar.