It’s the little luxuries…..that you didn’t know you had.

I love a good book. Not an e book. Not anything involving a screen. A good old fashioned book, one where you can feel the pages, peek ahead and see that you have three pages to the end of the chapter, turn the corners to mark your spot. Often the book will be second hand and there is a lovely inscription in the front, both to and from people you will most likely never know. A book has history, and it’s fun to be a part of that.

However, I have made it into my forties. Now, reading glasses make those tiny words readable again. So instead of grabbing the book and reading a chapter here and there, I have to grab the book, remember where I last had my reading glasses, begin that inevitable search that will ensue to find them, by which time the precious moment I had to read has been swallowed up by the glasses search.

That doesn’t even touch upon reading in a lovely bath tub of lavender bubbles, trying to read as the glasses steam up. Or trying to read while laying in bed and realizing you cannot lay on your side as your glasses get pressed against your face and it’s uncomfortable.

*sigh* I am so grateful for what I have, but I do wish my eyes had lasted longer, but I guess they are as old as the rest of me!

Grey is the new brown…..for me!

Grey hair has such stigma attached to it. Granny grey. So we dye our hair. God forbid we show those grey strands. Especially women….why is it that men become distinguished and women become old with grey hair?

I was on that road, same as most. Visiting the salon every 6 weeks or so, whenever I couldn’t stand the grey speckled roots showing through any more. I experimented with henna too as sometimes the chemical worries took over.

But…….let’s be honest. I am lazy when it comes to me. I don’t like having to devote 2 hours to being at the hair salon each time, I was starting to dislike the whole process, but the ‘other’ option seemed scary. No one my age has grey hair, wait, correction, no one my age SHOWS their grey hair, they are all slaves to the system. With this thought that young rebel in me which is always looking for an opportunity to roar…..well….she roared!!!!!! So, here is me….showing the grey. Can’t wait for it all to be in, haven’t decided if I am going for the big chop at some point further down this road. I have to say, the more it grows the more I prefer it to the old dyed hair I am gradually chopping off! Just wanted to share in case I can inspire your inner rebel to roar!

Day one….Adult Braces!

Its been year and years coming.  I have always wanted braces…no actually that’t not true.  I have always wanted straight teeth, I have never actually wanted braces, nor have I ever had the money to actually get braces put on.

So here I am.  Over 40. My children are growing up and are now teenagers, gradually there is more time for me to think about…well me!  Every time I look in the mirror (which I have to admit, with increasing age is less often!!)..I digress, sorry…every time I look in the mirror, I grin and say ‘God I hate my teeth’.  Finally, I feel a need to deal with that more than ever before.  So, decision made, initial consult completed and today was the day to get braces put on.

I was anxious and nervous mostly, although a tiny piece of me was excited that finally I was dealing with something that has bothered me for my whole adult life.  When I arrive at the dental office, everyone is smiling and happy and reassuring me that I will have no regrets, and it is SOOOOO worth it.  I can’t help but feel that for the money I am paying they have to say that!!  After signing the paperwork, the lady is ready for me, time to lay back in the chair for a couple of hours…today is braces ‘on’ day.

I hate going to the dentist, and I hate people poking around in my mouth.  She was very nice and she polished my teeth at first. My bottom teeth are very crowded.  First of all she sandpapered in between each of these teeth.  This made my toes curl and I was just about ready to leave.  Next she began to glue on each bracket, starting at the top back.  It was very uncomfortable and the back ones took the longest.  Two hours later and I am good to go.

My mouth feels enormous.  I can barely speak properly and my lips have taken on a whole new shape.  I don’t have pain, but I do have pressure.  I have not seen anyone I know yet.

……Fast forward 3 hours………….

I have seen my daughter who say ‘They don’t look bad honesty Mom, legit’…..that is confidence boosting!!  And pain….yes I have pain and pressure, I feel like I have a torture device from the dark ages in my mouth.  I don’t want to eat anything at all, not even soup.  My mouth is now huge and painful.  The insides of my cheeks are like raw meat.  I need wine.  Perhaps I will be drunk for the next 15 months to numb the pain……right now, that seems to be the only way..

Wine…..how did that happen!

So wine, lets talk about wine….it is after all a great subject.  All my life from the legal drinking age and possibly slightly before that, I hated wine.  Hated the smell, the taste, and probably back then in my young years the idea of wine was most likely unappealing.  A very dear friend of mine Nicola, said to me ‘its very inconvenient that you don’t like wine, mind you you are not 40 yet you will like it when you are over 40’……’yeah Nic whatever you say’, says me thinking you are just my crazy gardening friend and you would say that.  She IS actually my crazy gardening friend, (who has the most beautiful gardens on the planet, and pops out to the garden to pick veggies to cook for supper, real life ‘The Good Life’…..which we shall save for another blog)…Anyway I digress, she was right, I turned 40 and so many people around me enjoyed wine, and talked about getting together for a glass of wine, that I thought maybe it was time to re visit the wine’s of this world.  Starting out on light and white, and moving through the white and ‘hint of oak’ to the red and ‘hint of rhubarb’…. it has become official I like wine.  As perhaps is now totally clear, I have no idea of wine jargon, I don’t know about different accents on the flavours, but I do know I like it!!  I am a bit of a ‘ice cubes in the white wine’ kind of girl, and prefer white to red, but wine has most definitely become  part of my world.

Of course, lets be real here, its not just the age thing…….having teenagers makes you need to drink wine!!

Who knew!  All those sleepless nights pacing with a seemingly nocturnal child, copious quantities of laundry, trips to the park, pool, indoor play area, watching terrible repetitive TV shows, knowing by heart all the songs from Barney along with the words to favourite books, singing in the car to keep them awake…….and it was all a walk in the park compared to the dreaded teenage years.  We were young then and blissfully ignorant as to what may lay ahead, and lets face it nothing can prepare you for that cute bright eyed toddler with bed head hair, and a funny way of saying her r’s, changing into an irrational half zombie half human being trapped inside a young adults body.

Time to reflect and see outside the box…

Sometimes I seem to be sensible and calm.  Its rare, but this is one of those uncluttered moments, where I have been able to close out the chaos.  I have come to understand that I can only control my thoughts, my behaviour and my reactions…and that alone makes for a hard day as there are moments that my brain won’t turn off my thoughts, my frustrating teenagers tip me over the edge and words soon to be regretted fly from my mouth, and my reactions are over sensitive!  Thats just being a Mom…..right???  Anyway, I have discovered there is new joy to be found in being over 40.  It seems that I have finally become old enough and wise enough to appreciate.  I appreciate kind words, I appreciate hard work, and I appreciate little things.  There is beauty in the weather, in nature, in laughter, in good smells.  There is joy to be found in gardening, and planting seeds and watching what grows.  There is pleasure in fixing things, and making use of old things instead of throwing things away.  There is no longer a need to accumulate stuff, it doesn’t matter that everyone else has this or that, you don’t need it, and you no longer feel the need to own it.  Life becomes more simple and that in itself brings beauty and peace.  I can finally understand why you have so many memories of my dad digging in the garden or of  mom cooking for a whole day.  That is when they found their peace, but back when you were a child it seemed to be a complete waste of time, and totally boring.  Being over 40, does bring new life, but to see it I discovered I need to think outside the box….

Getting over the shock!

Its a shock!  You know its coming you believe you are ready, you think you can take it all in your stride.  It doesn’t matter, its just a number.  Your birthday comes and passes reasonably smoothly, you feel fine, brave face on – check.  Then life continues, days, weeks even months pass and you know deep down you are different.  You are starting to feel niggly little aches and pains that you are sure didn’t used to be there.  Your eyes seem to get tired by the end of the day.  Never mind the eyes, if you stop to think about it YOU are more tired by the end of the day!  The realization that you now need to exercise more than ever before, but somehow you seem to have less time than you ever had before.  How is it possible to have less time?  The kids are bigger and most definitely don’t want to hang out with their parents any more, they can even do things for themselves these days, yet free time is less.  Welcome to your forties.  A time for reflection, appreciation and discovery.

I find being in my forties is a transitional period.  In my mind I am not old, I don’t feel old, yet somehow my kids became teenagers and say things like ‘Don’t worry Mom you are not that old’……and then there is those aches and pains and did I mention grey hairs?  All that being said, I think being in this transitional period also brings some peace and discovery.  There are moments when your new not so good eyes notice, and I mean really notice they beauty in nature and in the leaves and the colours, our new not so good ears can hear the birds twittering (if birds do in fact twitter), and we can feel spring in the air or if a storm is coming.   What I am saying is, along with the chaos, teenagers, grey hair and lack of time, there is also a new appreciation of things that you have taken for granted for, well…….for thirty nine years…….

 

Life begins at 40…….what that really means!

I wonder who said that anyway!  Before you get to 40 it seems to be the most ridiculous thing in the world.  How can life possibly begin when you so far into it?  As a person younger than 40, the concept of even being that old is far far into the fuzzy future, and most definitely a time when you are too old to begin anything.  Once you get to 40, or maybe even 40 and a bit more than that, suddenly there is a brief moment in the chaos where you have time to reflect….the penny drops, there is a mental drumroll and some kind of lightbulb in your head goes off, a cynical smile creeps across your face, and all becomes clear…..thats when you reach for the wine.